The Feedback List

We’re two months away from a new year. In corporate, that means performance reviews, ratings, and long discussions about ratings.

So I decided to go to my seniors and ask for feedback. I started making a list.

The first few names were obvious, the people I work with closely. Then I remembered the moments I’d messed up badly in front of some of them. They’d probably have something harsh to say, so I took them off the list.

Then there was a senior who notices everything and doesn’t soften what he says. I didn’t want to lose my confidence in one conversation, so he came off the list too.

Slowly, the list filled up with people who were easy to talk to. People I’d had good experiences with. People who would say nice things.

Somewhere in the middle of this, I stopped and looked at what I’d made. I’d set out to get feedback, and I’d built a list designed to avoid it. I was crossing out the people most likely to help me grow and keeping the ones most likely to boost my ego.

My first instinct was to drop the whole idea. If I didn’t have the confidence that I’d done good work, or the courage to hear that I hadn’t, why ask at all?

I started realizing that :

The people I crossed off already have an opinion of my work. It will show up in my rating whether I ask for it or not. Asking doesn’t create the feedback. It only decides whether I hear it now, while I can still do something about it, or later, when I can’t.

So I’m putting one name back on the list.

The one I’m most afraid of.