Still Figuring Out Confidence

Today, I had to present something I had fully worked on. I had built a complete story around it and planned exactly how I would narrate it. I was confident.

Then I joined the call, and someone started questioning my data. Instead of standing by my work, I started panicking about it. I lost my flow, my narration, and my confidence.

Later, I realised my working was right. But because I panicked and got scared in the moment, I lost it completely.

After the meeting, I kept thinking about what had happened. I realised I have zero confidence in myself to get things done. I'm scared and underconfident in general.

If someone shouts/questions at me, my first thought is "Did I make a mistake?" It isn't "What actually happened?" or "Let me think through the logic."

I see so many people around me who move with so much confidence. It makes me genuinely happy to watch them. In those moments, I see in myself what I see in them, and I feel that confidence too.

But it's tough to walk around this world feeling underconfident, when so many people are looking for someone to push over. Case in point: I once overheard a conversation between colleagues. One of them said, "Ye toh choti hai, unse mushkil nahi hoga." (She's just a junior. She won't be a problem.) I was baffled.

At the same time, I don't want to be so confident that it turns into rudeness, and people become scared to talk to me. Sometimes confidence comes across as rude. I'm underconfident around people myself. I'm scared they'll shout at me or get irritated with me. So here I am, saying I want to be like them, when in real life, I'm scared of people like them.

Balancing the two is the art I'm trying to master. I don't want to be a pushover. I also don't want to be so confident that I come across as rude, and people are afraid to talk to me.

Walking around scared is the worst thing that can happen to you. But being overconfident and scary is just as bad.

How do you stay humble and confident, never rude, and still keep a good name? That's the challenge. I'm still figuring it out.